Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
