lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
