is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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