Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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