Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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