If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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