Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
