I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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