I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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