This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
