I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize