u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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