I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
