Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
