I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
