i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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