So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
