i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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