apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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