My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
