Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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