Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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