OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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