Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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