I wish I could teleport
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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