I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
