Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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