Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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