went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
