I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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