i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
