The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
