You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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