You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
