I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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