I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
