So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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