apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
