i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
