you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize