I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
