dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Green mimosas i think yes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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