is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
