Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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