You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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