Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize