he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
