Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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