Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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