I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
