I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
