HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
