alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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