dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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