she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
