nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
