I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
