he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
