You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
