I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He felt like a one man threesome
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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