matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
