wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize