You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
