do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
