youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
