he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what day is it and did you see me today?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
