in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
