Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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