I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
