I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
