Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
