i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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