my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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