one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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