did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
